Its time to stop and feel it all.
Life one week past the incident and living with the broken arm.
For the past week I have been in a haze of pain killers, sleep and very little capacity for anything else.
It's been tough. The pain....oh the pain, and the dilemma of pain relief.
Whilst I'm grateful for the relief the tablets make my tummy so unhappy.
For months now I have been walking a marathon every day. At least 2hrs and anything up to 5hrs every day. Its been my way of trying to cope with the intense pressures life has been serving up to me. Now all of a sudden I have come to a complete halt. At most I am moving from my bed to the couch and then to the bathroom.
In the absence of all that motion I have been forced to sit with all the things I have been trying to stop from getting the better of me. And here they are, larger than life.
There is no where I can go to avoid facing them, to avoid feeling them.
Finally the tears are rolling and I am surrendering into a deep vulnerability that is a reminder that try as I may sometimes things are out of my hands and what will be, will be.
I am again handing myself to Her, the great mother of creation to use me and flow through me in service of that which I stand for, I'm renewing my commitment to awakening and trusting, no matter what happens next.
I am returning home to her.
I'm tired, I'm really tired and I need to rest, even if my whole world is falling apart around me. I just cant keep trying to hold it all together anymore.
In the rawness of it all I am reminding myself that no matter how uncomfortable all this is, I am divine universal intelligence, I am interconnected with all of life, I am here to evolve in my own unique way and somehow all of the circumstances I find myself in are helping me to harness these truths more and more. I may just need to do some big letting go.
I am indefinitely postponing the circle that was meant to begin this week. I hope that soon I will be strong enough to begin again.
I continue to be eternally grateful to everyone who is helping me. You are all reminding me of what matters the most, how we serve life by showing up for each other. I am blessed by all of you. Thank you for being such powerful teachers and healers in my world right now.
